(updated on June 6th, 2021 room the original February 2021 essay)

“I know there’s someone out there
Waiting for me
There must be someone out there
There just has to be” — Has To Be by Madonna

I loved the 90s HBO sitcom Dream On as a kid. The main characther Martin’s internal dialog and thoughts always involved old movie clips. For me, its pop song lyrics. It sums up what I am feeling deep down in my heart, even though I try to ignore it or push it away. …


I dont think I understand this entire essay. As someone else said who is the audience for this except to give yourself a pep talk

What you described is just human nature of all parents especially mothers on Earth, I would protect my family first before anyone else

Its like being on airplane when the oxygen masks drop. You help yourself, then your kids

At least your honest about allyship though, Ill give you that.


Gosh, I have been meaning to, but its a very long complicated story, haha. I moved for love and it didnt work out

I did write about what it was like being black there. which was, an EXPERIENCE haha

here is my Medium piece

https://fred-royster.medium.com/like-a-stranger-in-zagreb-being-black-in-croatia-1cca01933be3


I think us Gen X and older gay men, with the HIV epidemic, a lot of us are afraid of death.

My best friend while in high school was killed in a car accident our junior year, My brother died of AIDS and my mom of a massive stroke after years of Alzheimer's.

I know it a little too well.


You know what, I dont understand the theory of relativity either. If its not effecting me financially, emotionally, or physically, I simply dont care what a person identifies with to make them feel better in this world

What matters at the end of the day if you are a good person and treat each other well. Full stop.

Humans dont have to understand everything. I dont understand how we got to the moon or keynesian economics, thats just fine


I have been so disappointed on my posts about race on Facebook. Ill have a few brave white souls who will have a conversation, but its always crickets

And these allegedly are "liberals"


Photo by Derick McKinney on Unsplash

Back about a decade ago, I was working as a web designer at Follett Higher Education Group, and a black coworker of mine just out of the blue said:

“Fred, if I didn’t know what you looked like, and I was talking to you on the phone, I would think you were a stuck up white boy”

Yup, she went there.

So much to unpack here.

Well, I could see why people think I’m “stuck up”. Some people think I’m aloof or closed and walled off. I believe I was. Since I am an INFJ, I am quite shy and…


You have a blessed weekend :)


I was just recently (re) diagnosed, all the stressors of 2020 just made it worse horrible partisan politics, furloughed from my job, the COVID deaths, the police brutality vehicles, not being able to see friends and family, it took its toll

... its odd to say I actually forgot I had ADHD, I was diagnosed 20 years ago, did nothing about it though, then just filed everything away as "personality quirks"

its nice to feel not so alone

Fredrick Royster

Lapsed Web Designer, Aspiring UI/UX Professional, and Electronic Dance Music Aficionado from Chicagoland

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