My ADHD Productivity Shame Cycle

“I’m back!” I thought to myself as I accepted a contract position to be a digital designer for VTech Kids in the early summer of 2021.

It was my first real design related job since my contract web design job at TradeMONSTER (now E*TRADE) ended in 2015.

Due to my financial situation I had to move back home with my parents, but my dad needed the help to take care of my mom who was suffering from Alzheimers.

Sadly she lost her battle to the painful “Long Goodbye” in 2016, and I spiraled into a deep, years-long depression; I stopped going out, gained 20 pounds, stopped going out and seeing friends.

I was working a part time job as a school bus monitor when the 2020 coronavirus pandemic hit, and I was furloughed from my job. All that time off gave me time to think about how I was sick of being depressed and I wanted to change.

So I started eating better, and exercising again after a long 7 year break. I got a therapist and a life coach and started journaling and meditating with the Calm app.

I also wanted to get back into design, but the web design world had changed so much in 5 years. The job title of “web designer” had all but disappeared and it was all about user experience design, so I enrolled in Thinkful’s online user experience design (UX) bootcamp.